a resolution and a revolution

I haven’t felt like I have had much to say in a long time. Life consisted of monotony and routine – work, chores, errands, exercise (sometimes) and sleep. Wake up and repeat. No one wants to hear that I got on another plane and traveled to see another client, or that I chose not to go to the gym because I was too tired, that I went on a retail therapy binge (again) only to return all my purchases the next week (like usual), or that I worked another 12 hour day. That’s boring…so I haven’t written.

The first part of the year was super stressful with a crazy school schedule for Craig, and a crazy work schedule for me. We felt like we had barely survived and it was only February, so we planned a vacation to Hawaii in May. Craig had never been and we had actually never taken a vacation alone in the 3.5 years we have been married.

As vacation approached, all I felt was stress. Stress that I was leaving work at one of the busiest times since I have been at HireVue…that I would burden my co-workers and neglect my clients…that I wasn’t skinny enough to be in a swimsuit…that it wasn’t a smart financial decision, etc. I almost considered canceling the trip (don’t tell Craig).  But May 15^th came and I got on the plane and committed to unplugging and not checking my work email. For the first 3 days of vacation, all I could think about was how guilty I felt for taking a vacation. I even checked my work email a few times. After a few days, I started to feel myself unwind. The remaining 10 days were a solid journey to feeling completely stress free. By the end of vacation, I had changed. Everything was brighter, clearer, and more beautiful. I felt free as a bird and lighter than I had in ages (not literally…I gained the obligatory vacation 5!).

I know I can’t always feel that way, but I can be more balanced at it. I returned with the goal of finding something beautiful in my life each day and having a more carefree attitude. Even though I am not in Kauai anymore. Even though I am in Cleveland, or on crowded planes, or picking up dog poop, or trying to drive in areas that are new to me, or simply doing the mundane and routine parts of life. Rarely is anything in life so urgent or severe that it warrants the stress we usually react with -- we can choose to react to the challenges in life with something other than stress. Rarely is life as hard or ugly as we make it out to be – we can find beauty everywhere and in everything we do. 

Beauty is subjective, and it is often a perspective. We have to find it. I have to find it. I choose to find it.